You Survived

Why do I do this? Why do I share? Care? Dare?

Is it too much? To understand me?

Should I just keep things in, the suffering, pain, rage, screams? Pretend that all is well when in reality there’s a swell of fear and shame, an inner place where death wants to reign.

I sit. I realize that this itself means I’m struggling, healing, choosing to let myself become a being – emotions, imperfections, messy with meaning.

On the best of days I don’t want to regard the things around me - Knowing, seeing, realizing that some things will never be me.

Healing from this trauma - It’s freeing

The process begins - something inside -unfurl, uncurl, hurl itself - into meaning

Steadies itself - Knowing that something big awaits in a blink of an eye.

It’s my choice to jump in and die.

The river becomes a flood - Rushing waters, rocks, branches, twists pulling and gnashing, gasping for breath, lunge in the depths, struggle amidst -

Until you realize - You’re floating

Into a Haven of peace - frogs croak, fish jump, insects sing, and the freedom cry is music to your ears.

Gentle waves wrap in warmth, Sway to and fro, Until you hit that solid land.

On that firm ground you begin to stand, get up - legs shaking, knees quaking. Taller you rise - you survived:

The turbulence, obstacles of death – destruction, turmoil, RAGE.

Continue to rise – unfurl – lay down – what once was -

Heavy

Burdened

Buried

Stand on solid ground – realize:

You Survived.